How to Love Yourself More

When you think about the concept of self-love, there may be some confusion. What exactly is self-love, anyway?

Is it bubble baths and pedicures? An afternoon in a hammock? A girls’ retreat for the weekend?

Self-care is an important part of the self-love lifestyle, but there’s so much more to it. Here are seven ways to love yourself more…because you deserve it!

*This post may contain affiliate links and I may earn a small commission when you click on the links. There is no additional cost to you!

#1: Practice positive self-talk.

In the realm of self-love, one of the big questions to ask yourself is…how do you talk to yourself? Is it in a kind, positive manner, where you lift yourself up? Where you tell yourself you are amazing and beautiful and that you are capable of anything? (Because you are.)

Or, on the other hand, do you bring yourself down? Do you place judgement upon your actions, or a negative light on situations that didn’t go as well as you’d wanted? Do you look in the mirror, and instead of seeing the gorgeous goddess that you are, you cringe and focus on something you don’t like?

The way we speak to ourselves (whether it’s out loud or within our own heads), has such a profound effect on our wellbeing. What we hear is what we begin to believe. In order to practice self-love, it’s important for us to always speak kindly to ourselves.  

Your body is always listening! To keep your energetic vibration high, feed your body only kind words.

A really effective way to do this is with affirmations. I am one hundred percent a fan of affirmations! They help to reprogram your subconscious mind with positive statements and intentions. I highly recommend doing them first thing in the morning to help set you up for a fantastic day, and then repeating them throughout the day.  

A few affirmations to try:

I am worthy. I am enough. I am deserving.

Everything is always working out for me.

I am a beautiful goddess. 

#2: Embrace self-care.

This is the part where relaxing baths and pedicures may play a part. But there’s so much more to it!

An important aspect of self-care is indeed taking care of your body. It’s the beautiful vessel you’ve been gifted to live this gorgeous life—the vessel that houses your soul.  

Taking care of yourself, and prioritizing your needs first before those of others, lets you recharge your own batteries. From this place of nourishment and rejuvenation—a cup brimming full of positive, vibrant energy—you can support others, and do other fabulous things to shine your light within the world.  

But you have to fill your cup first. You might have heard that self-care is selfish, but it’s not…it truly is essential.  

To care for your body, it’s important to ensure that you’re eating healthy food, getting enough sleep, and drinking enough filtered water. Move your body every day—go for a walk, practice yoga, dance, or take part in other exercise that you enjoy. Give yourself sufficient time to unwind and relax.

And if you’re interested in the rejuvenating bath I mentioned earlier, you may want to try a mineral bath soak. I love this Ancient Minerals magnesium soak with bath flakes, or you could try an option with foam if you enjoy bubbles. A few drops of lavender oil in the bath can help with a good night’s sleep.

But self-care isn’t just about the body…it’s about your environment, too. If you’re surrounded by negative people, or have a horrible work situation, or live in a cluttery, messy house, these can also affect your energy in a detrimental way. There are situations that can be challenging to immediately deal with, but make a commitment to yourself to prioritize your well-being by taking baby steps in the right direction.  

This may mean letting go of relationships that no longer serve you, getting a new job, or embarking upon a spring cleaning of your home. An organized environment can do wonders for your health and mindset!  

#3: Forgive yourself.

We often give so much love and support to others. When a good friend is going through a challenging time, we’re there to give a helping hand, or a shoulder to cry on, or assurance that what they’re going through isn’t their fault and that all will be well.

But when it comes to yourself, you might find it difficult to give yourself the same amount of self-love. You might feel unworthy of this love because of what you’ve done, or haven’t done in the past. There may be blocks to receiving good things from the Universe because you feel as though you don’t deserve it.

Shame, guilt, and regret are all emotions that might be swirling within you—oftentimes from situations that were painful, embarrassing, or that you simply wish had transpired in a different way. Maybe you feel as though opportunities or relationships passed you by, or that you have gone down the wrong path.

The key is to let these emotions go in their current energetic forms, and to alchemize them into something entirely different—to transform them into an energy of positivity.

The key to this part of self-love is to forgive yourself.

You are worthy and amazing and deserving of your most fabulous life simply because you are here on Earth right now! The Universe doesn’t make mistakes. If you are here right now, it’s because you have an important part to play in this world. It means that you have beautiful things to share with those around you. All you need to do is follow what makes you happy, and you’ll figure out what role it is that you were always designed to play. The Universe will never let you miss out on anything—if it’s meant for you, it will come about in some way.

Accept mistakes as learning opportunities…without them our souls wouldn’t be able to grow! Instead of judging yourself for your actions, use them to make different choices. Each situation is an opportunity to do a little bit better, and to learn to love yourself a little more.

#4: Stop being a people-pleaser.

Here’s the truth… I used to be a people-pleaser.

I used to want everyone around me to be happy. I never said no to anything, especially if it was an invite or helping someone out if they asked. I worried about what people around me would think if I spoke my mind—I often filtered my comments and reactions based on what I thought was appropriate. (For example, laughing at someone’s joke when it wasn’t funny.) Or I’d smile and nod more than necessary during conversations, like a bobble-head person.

Then I realized that the only opinion that mattered was mine, and that to truly love myself, I needed to be authentic in my actions. I needed to prioritize myself over anything and everyone else.

You can do this too, goddess!

To start, really focus on living for you and not for others. You are the most important person in your life!

Sit down and make a list. What is important to you? Is it your meditation time in the morning? Is it going to bed early and getting enough restful sleep? Does your weekly Zumba class make you so happy that you count down the minutes to it?

The activities you love will help recharge your body and soul. Make them a priority—write them in your calendar, or simply block off time for them each week. Develop healthy boundaries and say no to things that don’t allow you to have time to yourself or take care of your needs.

If a friend invites you out for dinner, but you’d rather read a book and drink tea—or you’re simply exhausted—see if you can plan a lunch date for another time. Or if a family member asks you to help them move, and you think it might aggravate an injury (or you intensely dislike moving), just be honest and say so. You never need an explanation, either—simply be kind and say no. There’s no need to feel guilty for setting healthy boundaries.

It might seem challenging, but the more authentic and vulnerable you are in sharing your thoughts and feelings with others, the easier it will become. Some people won’t like this, and you’ll notice that those relationships will start to fall away. That’s okay. The ones who stay are the ones who respect you, and love you, and are meant to remain with you as your “tribe”. They may not always agree with your beliefs, and that’s perfectly fine, too. Don’t be afraid to hold back based on fearing how others will perceive you. Honor your feelings and your true essence—be the real you!

#5: Be compassionate with yourself.

An important thing to remember is that we are human. We’re not meant to be perfect, and our flaws and quirks are what make us truly beautiful.

Despite this, we might sometimes find it challenging to be gentle with ourselves.

In our society, the masculine principles are over-valued—we’re told that in order to feel worthy, we must do more, be super productive, and work around the clock to achieve our goals. The feminine principles of nourishment and kindness and play are often pushed to the side.

So when we feel as though we’d like to slow down, to rest, and to be compassionate with ourselves, a little voice emerges to say, No! Do more. You haven’t done enough. You didn’t do it right.

Ignore the little voice.

Instead, focus on you. What do you need in this moment? If your intuition is urging you to take a break or time off, do that. If you need to journal out your thoughts, then grab your favorite journal, such as this one from Alchymist Rose. Call a friend or a family member for a chat, or to get together for some fun.

Be gentle with yourself when you make mistakes…of course, you are going to make them. It’s part of the human experience! The key is to move forward and use mistakes as learning opportunities.

Let yourself play and laugh and immerse yourself in joy! (Even if the dishes are piled up high in the sink, or it’s taking you months longer than expected to write that book, or if you simply can’t figure out what you’re supposed to do with your life.)

Be nice to yourself. You are so worth it!

#6: Treat yourself.

Something that took me a long time to realize was that I deserve to treat myself to things that make me happy, simply because I am me.

You deserve them, too! This is such a beautiful part of learning to love yourself more.

You don’t have to earn these treats, either. This doesn’t have to be a reward for doing “xyz”. You’re allowed to treat yourself to the little joys in life simply because you are an amazing, precious part of this world. You’re already good enough and worthy of receiving them.

These treats can be something simple like getting your favorite latte from the coffee shop, or buying yourself a bouquet of flowers or some dark chocolate at the grocery store. One of my favorite treats for myself is a Citrus Cardamom hand lotion by Sparitual. I keep it on my desk to use while I’m working—it’s such a wonderful pick me up, with a delicious zing to it.

It’s not necessary to buy yourself anything, either, to feel the benefit of this self-love practice. These treats can be something like allowing yourself thirty minutes to simply sit under a tree—doing nothing except daydreaming. Or giving yourself an entire day with no agenda, to recharge and relax. Be mindful of your budget and plan accordingly!

But I’m also a fan of the idea of spending more on oneself if the opportunity arises, such as the girls’ retreat I mentioned earlier, a course, or some beauty treatments. I consider it investing in oneself…a recharging of body, mind, and soul.

A beautiful practice for the most important person in your life… you.

#7: Tell yourself “I love you”.

An important—and perhaps quite challenging—part of learning to love yourself is to tell yourself… “I love you.”  

It might be very hard at the beginning. It might feel uncomfortable and strange.

It may even bring up emotions and tears that have been stored within you for a long time. This is all okay…let it all come up.

The more you say it—even if you’re not sure if you truly love yourself, or even know how to love yourself—the more you will feel this energy within your heart space.

Say “I love you, I really, really love you,” in front of a mirror. Give yourself a big hug and hold yourself there, feeling all the love from the Universe, and the self-love that you are cultivating within yourself.

Because you ARE love. We are love.

You are more precious than you know.

xoxo,

Ana